Mugabe’s Playlist

 

By Kalabash Contributor

During Obama’s time as the President of the United States of America (USA), he released his playlists every now and then which always got tongues wagging. Well, I haven’t come across Trump’s playlist but I bet it will be more interesting. Well, guess who else can go viral with his playlist, our very own President Robert Mugabe.

He has had his hands full lately between running the state and managing the factions there is no time for petty things such as the playlist. All we can do is guess and below are some of the songs we thought they might be on the president’s playlist with help from fellow countrymen.

 

1. Handiende By Steve Makoni well the self-explanatory title is one that he has continuously told his critics that he is not going anywhere.  The song is about a woman who refuses to leave her matrimonial home after a divorce saying that is the only home she knows and she will not go anywhere for her children’s sake.

 

2. Vanondibatirana by Fungisayi ft Killer T this is a jam he will probably listen to when he is thinking about the factions that are plotting against him as well as the opposition, yet he remains victorious.

 

3. Nanhasi by Shingisai Suluma Now this is a song he has been said to love so much, perhaps being grateful to the creator for the long life.

 

4. Rambai Makashinga by Tambawoga not that he would listen to this song but he may dedicate it to the masses that continue to be affected by the ‘Illegal Western Sanctions’.

 

5. Mdara Achauya by Jah Prayzah only that this will be one of those songs that you love but got the lyrics wrong and you don’t care. His version would go like “mudhara atouya”

 

6. The Blair that I know by the late Elliot Manyika this song is ideal for his Excellency when he is on his #TBT mood, Rekindling the era where he threw shade at British Prime minister at the time, Tony Blair. Also ideal when he is recalling all the cadres that have left his side such as The War veterans who disowned him as their patron and senior party members that were expelled in the factional wars.

 

7. Pamamonya by Soul Jah love this is a song he would listen to because he has heard it a lot at his Rallies as well as when he is pulling his weight in the politburo meetings where he is surrounded by his pot bellied lieutenants.

 

8. Mungandidii by Takura there is a no price for guessing why this song might be on the playlist.

Surely these can’t be the only songs that his Excellency may listen to, let us know which other songs he may listen to and why?

Is Zanu Pf The Only Game In Town?

 

By Kalabash Contributor

Critics in Zimbabwe’s political scene paint a sad reality that Zanu PF continues to be the only game in town and has been for a long while. I am inclined to agree with these critics following events that took place last Saturday at the President’s Youth Interface Rally where First Lady, Grace Mugabe called out presidential spokesperson George Charamba for influencing bias in the state media coverage.

This sent masses joking about the incident. Once more we found ourselves as the masses having our narrative set by the ruling party, Zanu PF.

Zanu Pf and Mugabe’s firm grip on power hasn’t brought much development to the ordinary person and the factional battles that have been going on are not helping at all. As an old adage goes, when elephants fight, the grass suffers. As the political big wigs are busy at it sabotaging each other every turn they get, hoping to take over power when Mugabe exists has greatly affected the narrative of national development.

One critic once said if there is any language Zanu Pf understands it is chaos, well what are the odds the faction wars are just another smoke screen that will divert the attention of the masses. Remember when Mujuru was booted out of government, at that point everyone was Zanu PF what mattered at that time was which side of Zanu PF.

The magic trick is to divert attention with the right hand while you bring something out with the left hand. Remember how Baba Jukwa diverted attention on the eve of 2013 elections.  Baba Jukwa was so prominent at the time that the opposition was even quoting the shadowy facebook character as the prophet of a new political reign in Zimbabwe.

Now think about the ongoing factions, don’t you have a faction that sympathise with as it is? When a time comes the faction battles will be a secondary issue as they collectively campaign for the party to remain in power.

Zanu Pf has an advantage in the elections and right now they are more prepared to go to elections than any other party. Meanwhile the main opposition, MDC T is having their property attached by the courts over some legal disputes with their former employees.

All this is happening when the opposition front is divided, caught up in coalition talks that are hindered by egos as political players argue on who will take what role in the coalition.

Cry Our Beloved Education System!

 

By Watmore Makokoba

The dehumanising brutal and pitiless treatment exhibited by management and government of Zimbabwe a few weeks ago might have been overtaken by events, but the pain in the medical students will remain a thorn in the flesh not only for them, but the whole world.

Burrowing from mouthful of disgruntlements from former students, Zimbabwe National Student Union leadership and ordinary citizens, tainted linen apparently displayed by the authorities is making public shame which will take a shameless person not to be disgusted by it.

Through its Secretary General, Makomborero Haruzivishe the Zimbabwe National Students Union strongly condemned the brutal attack on UZ Medical students resisting as a deviation from the dictates of the constitution which guarantees freedom of expression and freedom from torture.

“ZINASU is further warning the Border Gezi trained green bombers from brutalising innocent students equipped with only books and pens is outright barbaric and criminal,

“Its terrorist behavior that should never be condoned, we would like to furthermore warn  the Ministry of Higher and Tertiary Education that we still  demand education for all, grants and academic loans not tuition fees hikes”

One former UZ student who identified himself as Chirenje, following closely the events that took place at campus could not hide his anger.

“We witnessed an act of madness, a clear violation of the constitutional rights and an act of stupidity made by the UZ Administration as they crushed and silenced a peaceful protest cum academic action over unjustified fees increments. This is inhumane and degrading treatment and a clear violation of the supreme law and principles of democracy in Zimbabwe,

“It is cognisance therefore for the UZ Administration to note that protests are not meant to necessitate violence but to express dissatisfaction and can be used to pressure your devilish administration to change its policies”, he said.

Gift Ostalos Siziba a former ZINASU Leader and human rights defender recalled the days when he was still a student, chronicling the same lawless encounter with law enforcement agencies after engaging in protest of the same nature.

“Some 2 years ago when l was in the SRC we demonstrated against fees hikes and students oppression leading to the shutdown of the same, l shared my sentiments around the Vice criminal’s callousness and inhuman behaviour at that historic epoch,

“Tuition fee is exorbitant and that is a hard reality that we have to deal with, fight my beloved comrades,

“The struggle in UZ is our struggle!”

In the same prose, former student Lenin Tinashe, a former law student had no kind words but wonder where the pledge for free education by current political leaders had vanished to.

“As a former member of the Student Executive Council at UZ myself, I don’t understand why the current student leadership even agreed to the fee arrangement in the first place. What happened to the struggle for free education?” he said.

An old African idiom which goes “Don’t wash your linen in public”, without dwelling much on its meaning can make a lot of sense if it’s given to the faceless law enforcement agencies and the Nyagura administration who infamously displayed their wanton lawlessness for everyone to behold.

Now the writing is clearly on the wall in black and white, the government of Zimbabwe is far away from valuing the rule of law, let alone respecting and paying attention to the plight of students.

Cry our beloved education system!

Jah Prayzah And The Girl Who Shines Like The Light From The Sango

 

By Simba The Comic King

Every once in a while….actually make that every f**kin’ day, we look for a helpless victim on social media and criticize them viciously for no apparent reason. Sometimes we are not content with small fish so we look for much bigger and more famous prey. This weekend was no exception as the On-Your-Facebook-And-Twitter-Timeline jury took to the keyboards and keypads to criticize Jah Prayzah’s latest song which features that guy from Nigeria who seems to feature on everything these days.

The much hyped about song dropped on Friday and boy did it drop on the wrong bunch of niggas. Apart from connecting with others, making new friends and stalking the s**t out of that chick who always posts pictures of her doing stick-my- booty-out poses, Facebook’s other primary function is for people to unite and tell you just what the f**k they think about your s**t. The song got criticized for pretty much anything and everything from the lyrics with a line that sounds like “you shine like a light from the sango.” You shine like a light from the bush? This had most people thinking that maybe Jah is dating a girl called Moses. The actual lyrics are, “You shine like a light from the sun girl,” but I guess Jah’s problem is that he isn’t into fake accents so it just didn’t come out how we would have wanted it to come out. Maybe he needs to get lessons from those that now deceased hip hop group, Major Playaz.

So now we get to a very important question: what is the point of this article really? Initially there was no point, I just thought I’d take the opportunity to whip up some tasteless jokes about girls who shine like lights from bushes but then it occurred to me, how does all this negative energy reflect on us as a nation? Why do we bombard a man who is really going out of his way for Zimbabwe to become a music powerhouse in Africa? Does it really matter that “sun girl” sounds like “sango”? Does it really matter that every artist he sings with is forced to sing in Shona at gunpoint? The answer to those questions is I really don’t know the answer to all those questions.

What I do know though is that it’s pitiful for us as a people to criticize folks who are putting in humongous work. It reflects our collective insecurities. Some were of the opinion that the song wasn’t as good as his other songs….like duh, it not that it wasn’t as good, it just didn’t sound like the traditional dance you’re a** off kinda vibe we are used to from Jah. And I salute him because you know what the f**k he’s doing? It’s a little something called evolution but of course that’s something you wouldn’t understand because you have living in your grandfather’s house for forty years and so did your father before that before he got killed by some unnamed STI. I’m not saying one shouldn’t be criticized but come on, an entire country critiquing the man’s music as if all of our names are Mtandazo Dube, who actually gets paid to call out people on their s**t. You aren’t a critic, so relax. JP got his big break from songs like Sviriyo Sviriyo but then you can’t keep Sviriyoing Sviriyoing Yekedero right? Oops, the latter is a song by Andy Whistle and I think I left out a T somewhere in there but you get my point, right? Davido must be thinking, “What an ungrateful bunch of niggas, took four months for me to learn those two lines in Shona and do they know how hard it was not to say “woooo” at the end of every sentence gaddhemeti.”

#FeesMustFall And What It Means For Zimbabwean Tertiary Education

 

By Simba The Comic King

South Africa is a country we’ve borrowed a lot of things from; we’ve even borrowed the country itself. Heck, you could even say Zimbabwe is now a province of South Africa which is great for me I’ve always wanted to date a Xhosa chick. Sorry, ignore that last part; I have a serious disease called ‘Going off topic-tes’. This week social media went up in flames with pictures of University Of Zimbabwe students who seemed to be stoning police with diplomas and degrees.

 


The source of the commotion was the unfair increase of medical students fees from $700 to a mind-blowing (6month salary-blowing as well) $1,900. Then you wonder why 99% of the s**t I write about is dedicated to ZANU PF.  The University officials responded by doing the only logical thing they could think off which is kicking out students from dorms out into the cold this is a pity cause you can’t exactly make a sex tape outside now, can you? Also present at the protest was superhero/Pastor, Evan Mawarire who had come to pray with the students so basically it was the mating of two hashtags, #ThisFlag and #FeesMustFall.

 

Of late ZANU PF’s cash-strapped government has been resorting to one of the most ridiculous methodologies to try and squeeze the little bond notes citizens make to try and cover for monies that have “mysteriously vanished” over the years. In the wake of such an outrageous increase in fees what does this mean for aspiring and current medical students? Does this spell doom for their potential careers? Does this mean they have to wake up from that cold University Of Zimbabwe pavement, pack up and head to some cheaper varsity in Czechoslovakia? No, what it actually means is that our government is failing the future of its country, that one those old crusty doctors at Parirenyatwa die, we will live in a doctorless society and unless you have a Xhosa girlfriend, that diarrhea is going to f**kin’ kill you.

It’s already bad enough that when virtually all university students finish studying they have to walk out into a jobless society. Now the government has to go a couple of steps further by depriving them an education as well? Congratulations Zanu PF, if this idea of independence you are doing a great a** job. It’s almost as if it’s a crime for choosing to pursue an education in your country, sleeping on that cold varsity pavement one can’t help but think, “Why didn’t I apply for that scholarship in that country whose name I can’t even pronounce?” Only just last week, two Zimbabwean students were arrested in Turkey for drug trafficking. These students were victims of a bogus scholarship agency. So if one can’t study in the country they were born in as well as other countries whose names are difficult to pronounce, where is one going to study gaddhemeti?