My 2 Cents on Alcohol Ban


By Kalabash Contributor


I am not an alcoholic but a mere habitual drinker who enjoys beer and sometimes a glass of whiskey every now and then. I am about to share my thoughts on the government’s new move to restrict alcohol consumption. Please give me a benefit of a doubt if I come off as an alcoholic who refuses to accept any change.

The Sunday Mail reports that the government intends to put in structures and policies that will effectively reduce the alcohol consumption on a national scale and one way they would do this which they say is reaching worrying levels is just but another case of misplaced priorities.

Delta beverages remain with a somewhat monopoly in the alcohol manufacturing bit and their financials do not suggest that their business is booming. Like many corporations that continue to keep their doors open, they are barely making ends meet. Once more please forgive me if I come off as the devil’s advocate on this.

In the past decade, Zimbabwe has witnessed even harder illegal drugs making their way into the society to pacify the majority of Zimbabwe’s youth who struggle to shoulder the burdens of this life sober. The burdens that come with staying in Zimbabwe are much worse when you are educated and ambitious yet the odds of unemployment and an education that propels their ambition which isn’t any good when this nation’s odds are stacked against.

In my view the move by government is a classic case of misplaced priorities as there is need to focus on solutions to stop these illegal and lethal yet affordable beverages that are making its way into the black market along with other hard drugs which include pills and the cough syrups that continue to be an alternative to alcohol.

Times are hard, many have found themselves in debt because they cannot afford access to healthcare and they end up at the mercy of the vicious debt collectors and in turn lose their property. Making healthcare accessible and rebuilding the country’s social services which will afford those who cannot pay for healthcare should be high on the agenda as well.

Just like the goods that were banned from being imported into the country but still find their way to the High Table of some political party function. The alcohol ban will not do much, people will get more creative on how they sell alcohol, in fact, the black market will boom when they add to alcohol to list of their contraband.

New political party to set up a Ministry of Relationships if elected into power


By Staff Reporter

A new comic political party Kambizi party fronted by Henry Kambizi Mutasa with a Tanzanian background has been launched in Harare today ahead of the 2018 harmonized elections.

49-year-old Mutasa who is not yet married said if he is voted into office in the next year’s election he will set up a separate ministry to deal with relationships.

“I’m going to set up a ministry of relationships if I’m voted into offices, the ministry will assist citizens to find girlfriends and boyfriends”, Mutasa said.

Mutasa said he was not against the idea of coalition and was ready to join any if approached.

“I’m ready to join any coalition if approached because they will offer me a position and this will make me enjoy at least 5 meals a day”.

The comic leader said in the current the party had no structures or followers but had secret admirers who were waiting for the launch of the party so that they can become followers.


We're live from the launch of a new Political party, Kambizi Party

Posted by Open Parly ZW on Wednesday, September 20, 2017

The Fable of the Crocodile Losing Currency


By Wisdom Mumera

After the 8th Youth Interface rally in Masvingo it has now become apparent that the rallies were nothing more than a factional campaign to emphasise the point that Mnangagwa is going nowhere beyond where he already is.

The President and First Lady have been taking turns to hit out at anything remotely aligned, inclined or allied to Mnangagwa whilst the sorry guy has just sat in the background absorbing every punch with the reticence of a steward, stoical and suffering.

Mnangagwa’s ally and main ideologue, Perm Sec for Information George Charamba received a full fire baptism in Chinhoyi.

“We came a long way together before I was what I am today. I attended your wedding and am friends to some of your children, but you have never visited my projects in Mazowe.

“You spend a lot of time writing useless articles that do not bring about development.

“You are the presidential spokesperson but you want to create a wedge between me and the president.

“You should know that the president and his wife are one thing, they are inseparable”, thundered the First Lady to the sheepish looking Charamba whom one couldn’t help but feel for, standing there helpless with folded hands.

Mnangagwa himself received his own bashing at the last rally where Grace questioned why he associates with people dismissed from the party.

Hearing some startling statements or being defrocked by the fiery First Lady is not news or surprising.
That’s common, usual and very much expected whenever she stands to speak. She shocked us at the handover of Cde Chinx’s house when she shared the inheritance of a living man and she has done it on so many other podiums.

What is however surprising is how the famed Crocodile seems to have swum out and been caught out of its depth.

Mnangagwa has been famed to be one or more of being sly, slick, ingenious or clever. However, from what is happening he has exhibited none of the supposed attributes.

The most that we have seen from the Crocodile has been a big bureaucratic fellow acting ignorant of what’s happening and we believe that’s his most and only weapon at the moment.

Mnangagwa cannot stand up to the shenanigans ongoing around the party round now. The basic of what he is is a guerilla warrior who learned law and found himself the Vice President after some machinations by others.
Now that his creators have devised alternative ideas he is gasping for breath.

The only time he tried to engineer a craft himself, The Tsholotsho Declaration, he chickened out after getting caught, suffered at the hands of the captors and had to lick his way up again.

Prof Jonathan Moyo outclassed him at a Politburo meeting after bringing a cavalcade of gadgets to project his allegations that Mnangagwa was planning a coup of some sort.

The Crocodile, still sunbathing maybe after the Gweru illness, is yet to respond to the allegations from then and Mugabe has stated that he is waiting for the response.

The army generals whom he is famed for being close to having been bottom spanked with Prof Moyo again defrocking General Chiwenga with allegations that his Doctorate was the creation of some other mind and not his own.

Whereas his enemies have been slick and fast, Mnangagwa has come across as the antithesis of the animal he is reputed to be, slow and heavy, banking more on the premise of silence saying more. That is however not working.

His silence is more and more becoming the timid withdrawal of a beaten man. His allies have been browbeaten, arrested and hounded out of the party whilst he seats atop the dais being washed over by the cavalcade of attacks.
Sandi Moyo is gone, Energy Mutodi is gone, Charamba is a goner, Chiwenga is silenced and most telling the Election Steering Committee for 2018 created by Mugabe has nothing resembling a Lacoste ally.

The crocodile is famous not just for slickness in attack but also for sleeping (or appearing to be so). Mnangagwa, however, seems to have taken the latter characteristic of the animal to the extreme, he is sleeping for real and by the time he wakes up it may be too late.

His enemies will have crossed the river.

Youthiez deserved more from interface rallies than the current hullabaloo


By Wisdom Mumera

After the 8th rally, the President’s Youth Interface rallies are reaching the last stage and their cumulative effect and the summary of their whole has been something so apart from their normative description as a youth oriented programme.

They have been reduced to podiums for factional fighting, enemy bashing and witch-hunting.

All the hopes that the youths may have had about the head of state addressing their needs for jobs and a stable economy have been thrown to the wind as the octogenarian chose to defend his selfish interests and fending off ambitious allies.

The youths concerns, instead of being addressed, have been compressed into convenient utensils used by the two, President Mugabe and the First Lady to attack their opponents.

The last rally is a case in point.

“Some youths are saying (President) Mugabe is now old and should be replaced by Mnangagwa. When these errant youths are expelled for indiscipline Mnangagwa would be quiet and then it worries us when we see them at his house.

“So Mrs Mnangagwa, when you see these expelled members of the party coming to your house you must beat them up; that’s what a responsible mother does, you need to discipline your children, including errant ones so that they do the right things,” said the First Lady.

Besides Mnangagwa, the Mugabe’s have also attacked Information Permanent Secretary George Charamba whom Grace undressed before a bumper crowd.

The two have also used the rally to feed the nation snippets of their preferred succession channel with hints of Sydney Sekeramayi, echoing Prof Moyo’s SAPES Trust lecture, all of which is not central to the needs of the country’s youths.

The youths of Zimbabwe are in need of jobs of which the Zanu government promised 2 million before the 2013 elections. Having dismally failed to provide, it was prudent that they carry around a valid explanation during these Youth themed rallies to assuage the electorate they deceived and failed.

Mugabe recently admitted that his government had failed and “described the parastatals as literally dead and ready for burial whilst addressing captains of industry at State House in Harare”.

That same admission should be carried to the youths, not just the captains of industries most of whom are not bearing the full brunt of the current economic shambles. There are sanitised hiccups of foraging for banks from which to take money whilst for the youths the battle starts with finding the very source of the money.

The Mugabe’s are hijacking a whole party’s program and belittling it into a mere family matter of fending off enemies from their strangling hold onto power without any substantial focus on the wider issues is a travesty of moral justice.

All those Zanu PF supporters (even if they demonstrate over issues they don’t understand) deserve more than the unscripted railings of the First Lady.

They deserve more than the monotony of historical tales of what gossip guerrillas talked about each other during the 1970’s.

In their silly fanaticism, falsely hailed by fat power holders as patriotism, those bottom wiggling women deserve much more than hot gossip about lecherous leaders and their escapades at small houses.

Zimbabwe is much more than a small clique of liberators with drowsy hangovers from too long a time in power.

A time has to come when the debt for what they did has been paid enough and they have to move on to the farms, the Singapore’s and 18 bedroomed mansions.


Are we developing a soft spot for Lacoste?


By Itai Bryan

A look at the swaying public sentiment regarding one of the Chief protagonists in #ZANUPF’s succession wars.