4 Ways ZANU PF Is Already Winning 2018 Elections


by Simba The Comic King

ZANU PF is the most ancient cult known to Zimbabwe. Some believe that is is older than the Illuminati itself or at least N’Sync. It is the ancient cult to follow if you are a mindless zombie f**k who can’t think for themselves. Forget the last part of that statement, you can’t think if you are mindless, can you? With elections looming it’s that time of the year where they bash in people’s heads in the name of campaigning. It doesn’t even matter that the priest of the cult isn’t looking too good this days, they have sworn that even in death he shall rule from some special chair that certainly isn’t of this planet. In the meantime, opposition cults seem to be indecisive in how they are going to take down this ancient cult choosing instead to spend more time posting self-motivational videos on Facebook. We’ve already read Think And Grow Rich a thousand times niggas what we need is a f**kin’ strategy because in case you hadn’t noticed, here is how the ancient cult is secretly winning 2018 elections before a youth leader can even say, “Soul Jah Love hachisi chinhu”…

Secretly Preparing A Biometric Voters’ Roll

In the past few months agents of the ancient cult have been going around rural areas undertaking what they term a “nationwide membership verification exercise” but what the rest of us know as Coerce-Punch-And-Kick-The-S**t-Out-A-Nigga-To-Make-Sure-They-Vote-For-You-In-2018. Under this exercise, the cult is recording the identification particulars and other biometric details of adults in rural and farming areas. An insider within the cult who obviously has never heard what the Illuminati does to f**ks who think they are bigger than the cult now, theorized that ZANU is most likely going to shove this data up the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission’s a** which will automatically give them a head start  biometric voter registration (BVR) exercise begins. This may also explain why the exercise itself is taking f**kin’ ages to begin. Popular comedian Q Dube has a theory that if push comes to f**k, they may even indulge in accidental amputations to get the votes but then again who believes a comedian?

Use Of Dancehall Artistes At Rallies

If you’ve recently attended any of the ancient cult’s meetings, also known as ‘Meet-The-Youth’ rallies, you might have gone, “Hey look, isn’t that the guy who the song about running, running and Paws Paws?!” You’d be bloody right about seeing a guy who sang about running, running and Paw Paws because of late ZANU has been using dancehall artistes to attract crowds at their gatherings. Much of next year’s vote is expected to be cast by people who are still young enough to say, “Chibaba Chacho.” So it only makes sense that the youth be at the forefront of strategizing this campaign. They understand that the noise known as ZimDanceHall is enough to convince the jobless but music loving young person to vote for, “Chisekuru Chacho.”

Opening Of “Information Centres” in Rural Areas

Social Media has become the voice of the people as evidenced by the dry jokes that trend on a daily basis. ZANU is fully aware of this, which is why they have been opening Information Centres in rural areas where people will undoubtedly be beaten into opening a Facebook account and being forced to learn irrelevant s**t like hashtags. The second motive is to look like saints to the rural folk who can now spend their countless hours of unemployment browsing porn sites instead.

War Vets Stands Being Given To The Youth

The priest of the ancient cult fell out with the warriors who fought for the cult to exist (these are also known as war veterans). After he fell out with his niggas he raised his right fist and said, “F**k you for saying I’m too old and senile to run a cult, for that you are not getting a place to build your shacks.” Residential stands that were promised to war vets were then given to youthies, who now have land to pee on. That’s the only thing you can do on it really, how are you gonna make money to build a house when you don’t have a job?

Right under our noses, the ancient cult is getting ready to win next year’s elections while our noses are busy with smelling the sewage in our neighborhoods. If there is any chance of opposition cults taking power from the priest of the ancient cult whatever moves they have under their robes, now is the time to throw them moves on the table gaddhemeti.

Image from Financial Gazette



Zimbabweans Remember Cde Chinx


by Watmore Makokoba

Cde Chinx Chingaira passed away. People had to gather their minds in one accord, to reflect , retrospect and cherish his legacy. People of all walks of life poured out their thoughts of the all-time revolutionary musician and war veteran.

Putting aside his beliefs – political and non-political, the man seems to have lived a life of mixed episodes, from being the darling of the ruling Zanu Pf party Stewarts, his subsequent fallouts with the system, to being one of the prolific music composer who mesmerized his legion of fans with touchy melodies that will be difficult to erase from the memory lane.

Love, pain, sympathy and prejudice are all reflected in various sentiments of those who knew him, partially and mutually.

Fellow longtime musician and collogue Oliver “Tuku” Mtukudzi could not help but reflect how the whole music industry has been robbed of one of the senior legends.

Tiripakuchema Cde Chinx Chingaira. He was one of those amazing people I ever came across. We shall forever remember you. To Chingaira family we cry with you during these difficult times and we ask God to protect and support you during these difficult times. Zororai murugare Cde Chinx Chingaira”, said Tuku on his Facebook page.

The Bulawayo Dance Queen and musician expressed how shocked she was when she firstly received the shocking news of Chngaira’s death.

 “I just woke up to some sad news that Cde Chinx Chingaira is no more, Rest in Peace legend”

To Joshua Sako , fellow musician and  former “Third Chimurenga” staunch campaigner accomplice , the sad news of Cde Chinx  departure brought a retrospective down memory lane to the days when they were together pushing through song the infamous land reform program synonymous for gems like “Hondo yeminda”  and “Umhlabathi” which he did together with Police band and the late Marko Sibanda.

“Yesterday we lost a great man, very dear to me, Cde Chinx Chingaira. We shared the stage on many occasions during the National Galas as well as at the Presidential Inauguration at State House in 2002 alongside the late Marko Sibanda, Andy Brown, and Simon Chimbetu. My friend, mentor and hero,

“You taught me to be patient and to persevere and never give up however tough it may be… to stand by what is right no matter what”, said Sako.

The clergy was not left out in also expressing how he immensely contributed to the Anglican Church choir group claiming he a member of the church.

“Our condolences to the Chingaira family on the passing on of Chinx Chingaira Makoni, he was once a member of the St Aidans Anglican Church in Chitungwiza. MHDSRIP”.

The choir group dedicated to him a Hymn; KWASARA KUNESU with lyrics that goes:  “Makore mashoma tisati tasanganiswa nehama dzakafa…Tenzi gadziravo, mweya unemhoswa……”

Outspoken Minister for Higher and Tertiary Education and a member of the Zanu PF politburo Professor Johnathan Moyo wrote on his famous Twitter handle;


The time of Chinx ‘s mourning time also saw people putting aside their differing political ideologies and show a unity of purpose as even opposition political leaders took turns to pour in condolences messages.

MDC-T legislature Jessie Fungayi Majome posted on her Facebook wall words full of sympathy especially to Chinx’s wives and children, saying it only came to her realisation that one of her relatives is said to have been once married to the late Comrade.

“I went to extend my condolences to his widows, children and the wider family this morning. It was an honour to pose for this picture at his memorial with some of his children Lennon the eldest, Deeds Chingaira, Tina, Tutsi and the youngest Zeldana, his sister and brother sitting down and Senator Chief Chiduku of his rural home,

“I was surprised on Saturday to hear from my father Ken Majome that his late Mainini Catherine Mazuru was married to Cde. Chinx at some point and bore 3 children by him. The ties that bind!” she said.

“I became a fan and his music way back from 1980 – anthems they have become. A special talent deployment to the liberation of the people of Zimbabwe, may we live to enjoy the freedom that he fought for”

Surely, all that people said and are still saying cannot be accommodated here, but here are some mixed messages people sent out about Cde Chinx: (Please note, names of people withheld in the messages)

“I think the Chingaira family must just go and bury Chinx instead of waiting for those in power to declare him a national hero. Why wait, kana vasiri kuda havasi kuda

“I had wished to write you this letter in your lifetime. I know very well that injustice and colonialism forced you to leave school and join the liberation struggle and that you went to war to recover the head of Paramount Chief Chingaira who was beheaded by the white colonialists whom you were named after,

“Mukoma you returned to Zimbabwe and kept on singing for your supper and I know you had to grovel and played your party as a propaganda tool, hope you will be buried at Chingaira village where our ancestors lie”

“Did those fighters who fought got the satisfaction of what they fought for?, Is this the Zimbabwe Chinx Chingaira fought for where he got to at least own a house two months before death when others have mansions?”

All said and done, whether he is conferred with hero status or not, the family of the late revolutionary musician has described him as “their pillar of strength who left a legacy of love and unity and cared for his family”.

Cde Chinx left two wives and 14 children


So Many New Zimbabwean Radio Stations But Where Is The Diversity?


by Tafadzwa Murangwana

Radio is a powerful medium that can be able to change people’s perspectives and enable them to make informed decisions. Recent surveys have pointed to appalling voter apathy among youths in Zimbabwe. One is bound to feel that this can be changed if the radio stations here do not over emphasise the entertaining role to precede over other roles.

The coming in of new radio stations had reignited hopes that there will be a rapid change in terms of content but that has been dashed as most of them are replicas of ZBC’ Power FM which most of the urban youths do listen to. The rural youths have been left out as most of these new stations do broadcast less in vernacular.

Some of the radio personalities have made household names for spewing trivialities. I have listened to some 3-hou r shows where you can’t draw anything that can make the youths privy to the national discourse. There has been the proliferation of Zimdancehall shows on many of these stations with very critical issues affecting the youths glaringly missing.

While some stations like Star Fm and ZIFM have tried to introduce political programs they have been biased in their presentation and the language has been mainly English. Former radio presenter and Mabvuku-Tafara  MP James Maridadi said he wrote to Star Fm complaining how the station over-edited a pre-recorded program where he was a guest.

“I was naïve to accept to be a guest on a pre-recorded program and I have raised my disgruntlement with Star Fm regarding their adulterations of the program to suit their agenda,’ said an irate Maridadi.

The same stations were also caught in another controversy when it failed to live broadcast a Transform Zimbabwe party event despite the latter having paid fully for the services.  The radio crew decided to stop the broadcast abruptly after a call from the superiors advising it to stop forthwith. This raised the ire of many people who had attended the event.

What the new stations have brought is media pluralism rather than diversity and this has been a disservice to most youths who needs to be appraised on the critical process of democracy, governance, human rights and accountability which are all essential in shaping a better future. However,  what we have seen are youths who are up-to–date with latest Zimdancehall songs and jokes rather than key issues and with the elections beckoning next year it will be very sad to see such a powerful medium failing to reach its full potential.


This country has many alternative media initiatives that if given adequate support can be able to provide youths with an alternative voice.There are many community radio stations that are waiting to be licensed so that they can fully function. Sometime this year, I had a chat with Trevor  Mtisi who heads Kumakomo FM, a Mutare-based community radio stations which operates in urban Mutare and surrounding areas and he said while they have been given a nod by authorities to operate radio listeners’  clubs where they distribute compact discs to concertise them on service delivery, this year they have been put on  a  ‘leash’ to monitor them not to sway away from their focus.

‘We used to clear with a few authorities but now we are going through a red tape to be cleared,”  said Mtisi.

There is also ChannelZim, a platform where initiatives like  Radio Voice of the People, Corah FM, Radio Dialogue, Studio 7 and Radio Kwelaz broadcast using the free-to-air satellite channels and internet was gaining traction in terms of listenership but is facing sustainability challenges denting the hopes of many youths who were listening to dissenting voices that were being given space by these initiatives.


The advent of social media has opened up opportunities for youths to freely participate in critical national discourse. We have seen how #hashtags on Twitter have effected changes in some cases, for example, Moto Republic ‘a hub for youths’ was saved from demolition by the Harare City Council. The city fathers had to back off after a spirited social media campaign.

We have seen a spike in social media activists like Acie Lumumba, Pastor Evan Mawarire and Linda Masarira have become popular for addressing critical issues through social media.

But hold on folks, while social media is an enabling tool in making the youths participate in critical issues it has it’ s own inadequacies as internet accessibility is still low among many of the youths especially given the fact that most of them are reeling under unemployment. For the rural youths, it is even worse as some of the areas do not have the infrastructure. Critics have also pointed that social media activism is not effective in addressing key issues affecting the youths as most are calling for radicalism.

With the current local radio stations, it will be a tall order to have youths who are keen in participating in the national discourse as they will continue to work tirelessly to preserve the current status quo of deficient youths.

Soul Jah Love Is Not A Thing… He Is Things!


By Simba The Comic King

Soul Jah Love has done did it again. First, he started off “on the Dwayne Johnsons” (Pamamonya Ipapo), now he is things ( Ndiri Zvinhu). This past Saturday SJL was humiliated when a youthiez leader, Innocent Hamandishe told an excited crowd to calm the f**k down after they had spotted the “on the Dwayne Johnsons” hitmaker. The not so youthful youth leader openly declared in front of the freakin’ masses that “Soul Jah Love haasi chinhu,” for our foreign readers loosely translated that means, “Soul Jah Love is not a thing.” This was the ruling party’s response after they feared he might outshine the headline act, MC Bob himself.

Now when faced with such a scenario the most logical reaction for the average human being would be to go home, masturbate and sleep it off but not for SJL. In what must have been a song he wrote as soon as he left the stadium, he recorded a track entitled “Ndiri Zvinhu” (I Am Things). A jam that is not only a pleasant clap back to the insult but you can actually dance to the s**t (listen to the song below).

If you though diss tracks were only a hip hop thing, you thought horribly wrong nigga. Jay-Z ain’t gat nothing on Chibaba Chacho, once again for our foreign readers we shall translate, “The small father.”

The uproar caused by the video that’s been trending on social media has raised a very critical question, “Can the artist be a bigger thing than the Head Of State” and an even more important question, “Are Things not chips and not human beings?” We live in a country where an artist is viewed as an individual with nothing to do except smoke a lot of weed, drink lots of alcohol and allows this magic concoction to create all that s**t you dance to. That actually what an artist is but that’s not the point, the point here is didn’t anyone teach ZANU PF youth leaders some manners? I mean the dude took time out of his weed smoking schedule only to be told that he is not a thing? An artist deserves a little bit of respect for giving making the music you all love and smoke weed to. Let’s hope ZANU PF youthiez can figure out what rhymes with “zvinhu.” Ol’ Jonny boy can’t help on this one cause his genre is urban grooves.  Let’s hope this thing doesn’t mean we’ll be holding candles at Rotten Row a few days from now #PamaCourtIpapo gaddhemeti.

Zimbabwean artists participation in politics: Ngatibudiranei pachena!


by Silvanos Mudzvova

The ‘Arts’ sector has for years complained that the government and politicians are not respecting them by not listening to their demands. Since 1980 the Zanu PF government has never appointed a cabinet minister with an arts background to head the Arts ministry. As a result, the ‘Arts’ sector has continually been under-funded compared to the ‘Sports’ sector year on year. The parliamentary portfolio committee responsible for Arts also consists of people who have no Art background as such they don’t have any idea of what issues are affecting the Arts sector. They have never been any public hearing called for by the parliamentary committee since 1980, yet artists are always complaining about the challenges they face every day. The current cabinet appointed by the Mugabe (the 93-year-old President) has placed the arts sector under an obscure ministry that most artists are not aware of. Most artists are not aware of their current minister or how much budget was allocated to the ministry.

Artists’ always complain about a lack of funding from the government, however, the complaints are raised behind-closed-door meetings amongst the artists themselves, as they can’t openly complain directly to the government or any of its officials. I have always raised the question why don’t we write opinion articles, give press statements, create artistic products protesting about this situation. The answer is, “I don’t want to get involved in politics.”

My friends and colleagues, politics is determining my and your future. Politics is killing your livelihood, politics is stifling the creation of more art products. As artists, we should not wait for politicians to change in favor of the arts sector but we should make them change to recognize what we require of them.

This brings me to a very controversial issue that has affected many artists over the last decade. The issue of, ‘Artists openly supporting a political party of their choice,  KUBUDIRANA PACHENA.’

American hip hop artists’ openly support their preferred presidential candidates in US Presidential Elections. This has now become a norm in American Politics, evidenced by Hip Hop Artist Young Jeezy’s song “My President.” American Music Rapper Lil B made headlines when he decided to endorse Bernie Sanders, the list is endless and audiences (voters) respect this behavior as the artists will be raising awareness and the politician is over the moon as they will are endorsed by celebrities. Let’s come closer to home (Our Zimbabwe) before I am dismissed as an agent of the west or admiring western culture which is not even close to us and talk of South African artists, Solly Moholo.

Solly Moholo played a critical role in supporting Thabo Mbeki (former South African President), Urban pop singer Chomee, known for her gyrating dance moves endorsed President Jacob Zuma at an ANC event.

On 17 July 2016 the City Press reported, “…at the launch of the ANC’s Countdown to Victory campaign in anticipation of the upcoming municipal polls – hosted on Wednesday night at The Market Theatre in Newtown, Johannesburg – celebrities including Khanyi Mbau, Kelly Khumalo, Nhlanhla Nciza, Criselda Dudumashe, Jimmy Tau, Mike Mangena and others came in their numbers to endorse the ruling party.”

This clearly indicates the level of maturity and involvement of artists in determining their own future yet in Zimbabwe it’s all about, “I don’t get involved in politics,” yet this ‘politics’ is determining your artistic journey. Come on Comrades!! Ngatibudiranei pachena!! (let’s come in the open)

In Zimbabwe since the liberation struggle, Cde Chinx was known for supporting the ruling party Zanu PF. We have all danced to his music besides its ideological bankruptcy and people are accustomed to his political beliefs. Soul Jah Luv, born Soul Musaka on the 22nd November 1989 has done the same. He openly sang about his admiration towards Mbare MP Hon. Savanhu in a song titled “Savanhu Wembare.” He chants Zanu Pf slogans in the song. He also has a composition for Robert Mugabe titled, “Gushungo/Zimbabwe,” where he joins other praise singers of the dictator Mugabe. Today if Soul Jah Luv’s song, “Pamamonya Ipapo,” is played we all dance to it. The people of Zimbabwe have accepted, Soul Jah Luv is Zanu Pf and they respect him for that. The list of Zanu Pf musicians also includes Tambaoga, the late Simon Chimbetu, the late Elliot Manyika, Taurai Mteki the list is endless.

There are others, though few, musicians that have aligned themselves through their music to the main opposition party in Zimbabwe, MDC-T led by Morgan Tsvangirai. This list includes Dread Reckless and Sister Fearless. These artists have released albums dedicated to the opposition in their struggle against the oppressive regime.

In Zimbabwe, there are those artists that protest and highlight the plight of the Zimbabwean people through songs. These artists in their songs concentrate on Human Rights and Governance issues without being aligned to a political party.  Hosea Chipanga is a guru in this area, as evidenced by a lyric from one of his songs, “……vatadza kupedza hurumbo vakati ngatipedze varombo….” Most of Chipanga’s albums are pregnant with emotion and when you listen deeply to his music thinking about Zimbabwe, tears will flow. Another musician is Leonard Karikonga Zhakata others would prefer to call him, ‘Master of song’. This is one musician with deep political satire which is not for the faint-hearted. Thomas Mapfumo needs no introduction since he has been doing protest music since 1979.

In Zimbabwe, most of the artist don’t like coming in the open to declare which side they are but at times it’s so obvious. Jah Prayzah uses military attire as his official stage uniform. It should be noted the use of military uniform is not allowed for civilians even on stage but Makombe was granted permission to use it. It’s common knowledge the Zimbabwean regime mainly the military and police do strict vetting before they allow you to use their regalia and this vetting includes a question, ‘Which political party do you support?’

It’s either you are Zanu Pf or the Opposition to them (neutral doesn’t exist) and for you to be granted a job, uniform to use in dramas, the basic is that you have to be with Zanu Pf. I, Silvanos Mudzvova, have undergone the vetting that I am stating in this article on several occasions. I know the process and I remember the questions along with the answers I gave. Hence, I urge Jah Prayzah to come out in the open and let people know the truth.

Simon Chimbetu was the most popular at the turn of the millennium, we all danced to his music fully aware of the fact he was Zany Pf. I urge Jah Prayzah to further his cause openly without any fear as his talent will stand for him.  Sulumani Chimbetu is also the other musician who doesn’t want a tag on him but his record speaks for itself. I will not bring his father into this but his employment at Airforce where some vetting is done, it’s clear you can’t get employed by the military, police, air force and the central intelligence organization without declaring your allegiance to Zanu Pf.

If popular artists openly declare about what they are it will make life easier for young and upcoming artists to be involved in the politics of the country. We need to reignite peoples participation in national affairs and artists mainly musicians as role models can assist in this regard. People of Zimbabwe fear so much to voice their concerns and the only way to break this is by using their role models who should be there to give courage. For any country to achieve development its citizens need to be involved in the politics of their country.

Music and Politics have long been connected and it can be traced back to Napoleon in 1789 (France). Most recently music was used to achieve development when a series of concerts was used to put pressure on G8 Leaders to change their policy on third world debt this happened in July 2005 at an event dubbed Live8.

Let artist’s rise up and open up about our allegiance to certain politicians so that we can contribute towards what we want. Let us be proud of what we want and determine our country’s destiny. Music has the power to change or influence politics of a country like what happened in America when we reflect on Obama’s Presidential Campaigns that he ran in particular when he ran against the Republican Candidate John McCain. Obama received the support of artists across the spectrum (Bob Dylan, Arcade Fire, Springsteen, Green Day and Usher, to name just a few), John McCain struggled to find support from musicians as a result, McCain lost the election.

I urge Zimbabwean Musicians to stand up and be counted and define how their country moves forward.

Silvanos Mudzvova is an Arts Activists currently he is an Artist Protection Fund Fellow at the University Of Manchester. email: vhitori@gmail.com